The Identity Paradox at Work: How to Stay True to Yourself While Evolving

Ever felt like work isn’t about climbing the ladder anymore, but about figuring out which ladder you’re even on, and whether it’s leaning against the right wall?

One week you’re the glue holding the place together. The next, there’s a new org chart, a new boss, a new strategy, and you’re wondering, “Am I still what they need? Am I still me?”

You’re not alone. What you’re experiencing is something psychologists call the identity paradox, and it’s a sneaky little thing that turns up at work more often than you’d think. The good news? You can absolutely work through it.

Sometimes who you’re becoming isn’t visible at first glance. But that doesn’t mean you’re lost.

I'd like to break it down, in the same way I did for myself when this very thing happened to me. Let's unpack:

• What the identity paradox actually is,

• Why it tends to hit hard at work, especially for roles like EAs and Chiefs of Staff, and,

• Four practical strategies to help you face it head-on without losing your marbles (or the parts of you that matter most).

---

“Emerging from the dark with clarity and force.” The identity paradox isn’t a breakdown, it’s a breakthrough in motion. This section explores why your sense of self feels tested at work, and how to find your footing when everything around you is shifting.

The Identity Paradox: What It Is and Why It Hits Hard at Work

At its heart, the identity paradox is a very human tension. It’s the push-and-pull between things that seem contradictory, but are actually coexisting parts of a healthy self (Brewer, 1991).

Picture this:

• You want to belong, to feel part of the team, trusted and included.

• But you also want to stand out, to be recognised for your unique strengths and perspective.

• You crave consistency, a stable sense of who you are.

• Yet you’re also drawn to growth, to evolve, stretch, and respond to what’s next (Foreman & Whetten, 2002).

The kicker? These needs usually show up together. At the same time. In the same role.

So you might find yourself:

• Proud of your progress, but quietly wondering, “Is this still me?”

• Ready for a bold move, yet tethered to an earlier version of yourself.

• Confident in your capabilities, but unsure how they’ll translate in the next season of change.

If you’re in a service-oriented role, like an EA, Chief of Staff, or Ops lead, it can be especially tricky. These roles are inherently relational and responsive. Your identity can become entangled with someone else’s goals or pace. And in the process, your own voice can fade out (Gioia, Schultz, & Corley, 2000).

Your identity isn’t fragile.

It’s not a house of cards. It’s a garden.

You can nurture it, prune it, replant it.

You can evolve without erasing. You can hold onto what matters and still make space for what’s next.

And that tension? It doesn’t mean you’re off track. It means you’re paying attention.

Why It Matters

Left unchecked, the identity paradox can lead to imposter syndrome, burnout, or a shiny new subscription to Overthinkers Anonymous. But tackling it helps you:

• Show up as your authentic self,

• Stay grounded during career twists and turns, and

• Feel confident navigating transitions while holding on to what makes you extraordinary.

Alright, now that we’ve unpacked what it is, here’s how to flip that tension into something genuinely powerful.

---

“You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to know where you are, and where you’re willing to go.”

Four Practical Ways to Navigate Identity Shifts at Work

1. Reconnect to What’s Still True

There’s a reason people in turbulent seas cling to lighthouses. When nothing feels certain, clarity on your constants keeps you steady. Identifying what’s still true about who you are gives you a foundation to stand on, even when everything around you is shifting.

Try this:  

Grab a pen (or your Notes app) and jot down three things about yourself that feel unchanged at work. These could include:

• Personal values, like reliability, fairness, or creativity.

• Skills, like calming chaos or strategic thinking.

• Perspectives, like spotting patterns others miss.

Treat these as your compass. They don’t change based on the latest org chart or who’s leading the Monday stand-up.

If you’re always the “calm in the storm,” lean into that superpower during uncertain phases. It’s your foundation!

2. Map the Chapter You’re In

Think of your career as a book. Some chapters are thrilling page-turners, others read like filler episodes from your least-favourite sitcom. But every chapter serves a purpose.

Framing your current phase as part of a larger story makes even the tough parts feel intentional.

Ask yourself if this phase at work were a book chapter, what would its title be?  

• Maybe it’s "Learning to Lead Quietly," or "Being the Glue."

• Maybe it’s "Starting Over, But Smarter," or even "The Year I Gave Too Many PowerPoint Presentations."

Naming this chapter gives it shape. And by the way, messy middle chapters? Often the most honest parts of the story.

3. Balance Contribution with Self-Expression

Service-oriented pros (like us, the EAs and Chiefs of Staff) often default to being "helpful." It’s your superpower! But your value isn’t just in what you do; it’s also in how you think, what you notice, and the unique point of view you bring to the table.

When you balance operational skills with self-expression, you contribute more holistically. You stop being the “just get it done” person and become the “I have a perspective worth sharing” person.

At your next meeting, try this:

• Share a thoughtful observation.

• Ask a strategic question.

• Offer an insight beyond what’s operational.

That might sound small, but over time it’s the little nudges that prove your unique voice matters.

4. Allow Yourself to Be in Transition

The thing that no one likes to admit about change is that we tend to resist the limbo. We hate that “halfway there, but not quite” feeling because it’s… uncomfortable. (It’s why some folks skip the gym on leg day.)

Recognising that transition is normal takes the pressure off. You’re allowed to be “in between,” and it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

Instead of asking, “Am I losing sight of who I used to be?” ask, “What am I discovering about myself right now?”  

By seeing this as a learning phase (rather than a spotlight moment), you’ll feel freer to adapt without that constant fear of “getting it wrong.”

You’re not stuck. You’re evolving. And boy, do gardens need time to grow.

---

The Power of Being a "Work in Progress"

If there’s one takeaway here, let it be this:

You don’t have to choose between being grounded and being flexible.

The most effective, human, resilient professionals we know aren’t the ones who’ve nailed down a fixed version of themselves. They’re the ones who’ve made peace with the idea that identity isn’t a label, it’s a living process.

Like any process, it can be messy. Beautiful. Uneven. Sometimes thrilling, sometimes uncomfortable. And that’s OK.

Your identity is more like a garden than a business card.

You can nurture it.

Stretch it.

Let parts go.

Replant others.

You can even leave some sections wild for a while.

You’re allowed to hold onto what still feels true.

You’re allowed to lean into what’s emerging.

And you’re allowed to take your time figuring out what all of it means.

Most importantly, you’re allowed to be a work in progress.

Because we all are. Whether we admit it or not.

So if you’re in the middle of your own identity paradox, if you’re shifting, growing, untangling old definitions, you’re not alone. It doesn’t mean you’re behind. It means you’re becoming.

Here’s one small practice you can start with:

Grab a quiet moment this week. A coffee, a walk, or even ten minutes between meetings.

Ask yourself: "What’s one part of me that’s stayed steady across the chaos?" And "What’s one part of me that’s changing in ways I’m proud of, even if it still feels shaky?"

That’s where you’ll find your next step. Not in having all the answers, but in listening to what’s already there.

The work in progress is still working.

And you’re doing it beautifully.

Meg ✌️

LinkedIn

♻️If this resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it today.

---

P.S. - Want to Dive Deeper?

This piece was deeply influenced by some foundational work on identity theory, especially the identity paradox, which explores the tension between wanting to belong and wanting to stand out.

If you’re curious to nerd out further (or need to reassure yourself that this identity paradox thing is Very Much a Real Thing), here are a few brilliant academic brains who’ve tackled it from all angles…

📃 Cuganesan, S. (2017). Identity Paradoxes: How Senior Managers and Employees Negotiate Similarity and Distinctiveness Tensions over Time. Organization Studies, 38, 489 - 511. https://doi.org/10.1177/0170840616655482

📃 Kourti, I. (2021). Managing the identity paradox in inter‐organisational collaborations. European Management Review. https://doi.org/10.1111/emre.12485

📃 Gotsi, M., Andriopoulos, C., Lewis, M., & Ingram, A. (2010). Managing creatives: Paradoxical approaches to identity regulation. Human Relations, 63, 781 - 805. https://doi.org/10.1177/0018726709342929

📃 Sheep, M. (2020). Paradoxes in the Pursuit of Positive Identities. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780198827115.013.28

📃 Jones, B., Parker‐Raley, J., & Barczyk, A. (2011). Adolescent Cancer Survivors: Identity Paradox and the Need to Belong. Qualitative Health Research, 21, 1033 - 1040. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732311404029

---

P.P.S.

Why do I even have the nerve to write this? Fair question.

I’m someone who’s spent years working alongside incredible executives, navigating chaos, translating vision into action, and figuring it out (sometimes the hard way) as I go. I’ve had the privilege of being the right hand to some truly inspiring leaders, learning through every challenge, misstep, and breakthrough.

I also happen to have an MBA (if that counts for anything), and I’m currently studying psychology, mostly because people fascinate me. How we work. Why we disconnect. What actually makes us tick.

But really, none of that is the point.

I’m just here to share what I’ve learned in case it helps someone else. Take what’s useful. Leave the rest. And remember: you’re probably doing far better than you give yourself credit for.